I’ve been a bad friend to most of my friends I’ve really pushed them away, and just isolated myself. I feel like I just needed to take a step back, and take a look at my life and the people in it. I realized some “friends” of mine tend to just put me down, constantly put out my business to everyone, and simple kick me under the bus. I need to cut people out of my life that hurt me rather than make me feel better. I mean, it’s really hard we’ve been friends for too long, and constantly around each other. I’m trying really hard, and I’m sure some “friends” of mine have noticed the change in me. And have even kind of step back in a way, but even as I lose theses friends I feel no sympathy. I don’t feel a hint of sadness, or regret, or anything at all really. It’s just I gotta do what I gotta do. I just can’t interact with these “friends” on an intellectual level, or on a serious level. I can’t absently listen to complaints, and shittalking, these stupid useless, pointless conversations. I really just don’t feel bad, at all. I feel friends leaving, and new friends and acquaintances emerging. I want to surround myself with good people. 

Vent: May 16, 2013

I’ve failed to update my blog with actually writing, instead of pretty pictures. Too much time on the internet is harmful anyways, I get into this weird mood if I’m the internet too long like I get addicted instantly so I try to stay off. 

I guess I am okay as of right now, I am getting better. I am not struggling so much another, the gym is a stress reliever. The gym has been really great to me, just getting back in shape feels really good. I get to put my angry, frustration, and energy into something useful. I can’t stretch how much the gym has been a help to my physical, and mental state of mind. I just feel good. 

I feel like I quit wearing makeup for various reasons. It’s been a month or so I’ve been all natural for what seems like forever. I mean allergies and makeup don’t mesh well at all. I am not really looking to impress anyone or even catch anyone’s attention. It’s part of self-image I guess, just gaining back my confidence. I thought it’d be better to stop wearing make up until I am fully comfortable with myself and my body, mind and body. I actually feel good, sometimes I am tempted to put on a little mascara but I’ve resisted. It’s feels great actually, I’ve become extremely fond of natural beauty. Makeup and nice clothes are just external and accessories no matter how much you feel like you need them, you don’t; nobody does.